A DNA lab right here in Los Angeles has dropped a bombshell on the world: Belgians are, quite literally, more chocolate than people!
Yes, you heard that right. Researchers at GenLabs LA have revealed that their DNA tests on a group of Belgians showed that their genetic makeup is comprised of more chocolate than human material.
The study, which started as a routine European genetic survey, quickly spiraled into mind-boggling territory when the lab discovered that Belgian participants had a cellular structure that, in some bizarre and inexplicable way, was made up of more chocolate than flesh and bone.
“We thought the machines were broken,” said Dr. Linda Remington, head scientist at GenLabs. “But after running the tests repeatedly, the results were the same. These people were about 60% chocolate and only 40% human. I have never seen anything like this.”
According to the lab, the results defy all biological logic. The Belgians who participated in the study had skin, hair, and even internal organs that were somehow mixed with what can only be described as premium Belgian chocolate. “It’s as if their very being is tied to chocolate,” Dr. Remington explained. “We’re not sure if this is evolution, magic, or something else entirely.”
The news has sent shockwaves across the world, with people speculating on everything from whether the Belgians are edible to how they live their daily lives without melting in the sun. Even the Belgian government has responded, half-jokingly declaring the country “a nation of living chocolate.”
One participant in the study, identified only as Pierre, said, “I always knew I had a sweet tooth, but I had no idea I was mostly chocolate! I guess this explains why I can never stop eating it!”
Now, tourists are flocking to Belgium, not just for the chocolate shops, but to catch a glimpse of the “living chocolates” themselves. Meanwhile, conspiracy theories are rampant, with some suggesting this could be the result of secret chocolate-related experiments dating back centuries.
GenLabs LA has promised to investigate further, but one thing’s for sure: this discovery has taken the phrase “you are what you eat” to a whole new, chocolate-coated level.
